Went to the Laundromat

Last night,

And experienced my first contact with racism in this neighborhood.

A large black man stood tall in the doorway and stared us down as we entered into the room. He asked, in a deep, low voice,

"What are YOU guys doing here?"

With a smile I said excitedly,

"Laundry!"

Not to be a smart ass, but because I didn't know what else to say/do.  His expression didn't change and he maintained eye contact, and said, almost as if giving us permission,

"...Okay."

And then gave us sideways glances as we passed him on our way over to the washing machines.  We began the process of doing our laundry.

I thought I might not do mine at all, the place was packed and I felt very uncomfortable.  I didn't know if the large man's attitude fit with the whole place, or if his discrimination was more singular.

Maryann exchanged the quarters for tokens and I told her to use the only empty washing machine, since she had work in the morning.  I put my clothes bag on the floor and waited around.  I said I might not do my laundry, but I would wait with her.  Not long after a machine opened up and I shoved my clothes in. 

Both of us stood with our backs against the machines, looking out.  It took a while, but eventually I got comfortable.  The large man seemed to be the only one harboring a hateful attitude, everyone else didn't particularly notice, or not blatantly so.

The man didn't talk to us again, though he was there for a while longer.  I thought about what I might say if he did confront us for a second time.  And not what I would say in some attacking manner, more what I would say to add some humanness to the situation.  To see if I could touch something that lives inside, beyond the nature to size one up based upon physical appearance, there is some expectation he had of us that was incorrect and based entirely on our physical looks.  I know often that people with such an outlook are unreachable, certainly there are plenty of whites who discriminate against blacks and have thought it through.   Who have gone through school and have been confronted with literature about slavery, the KKK and other abominations in human history, and when they form a position of hate, they have formed it even with this background.

And I can't pretend to know what was going through the large man's mind when he chose us, but I have guesses.  I know that there are people who are presented such a history and it fills them with an opposing hate and then they watch as their neighborhood, that was primarily one race, begins to become many and then buildings that cost more are raised and rent starts going up and oftentimes a white person in a mostly black neighborhood is a sign of this happening. Gentrification, it's called.  He may have, consciously or not, read us as being a sign of that in his own neighborhood, for as they say, Bed-Stuy is changing.  I can't say for certain whether we're a part of that sign or not, we chose to live where we did because the apartment was beautiful and we could afford the rent, we couldn't afford anything higher.  We did notice that the neighborhood was primarily black, but didn't feel one way or another about it.  The people here are nice and it doesn't seem unsafe.  But I guess we do stand out, I have felt it somewhat before, but we stand out for the wrong reasons.  We aren't well-to-do, we don't come from stuffy neighborhoods filled with white people and we didn't move here because we thought it was hip and up-and-coming.

I know that there are millions of people in this world who have experiences far worse than any I could share.  But it wasn't the action itself that struck me, it was the sentiment behind the action, the sheer back movement of attacking a person for their looks.  I want to think that these things can change, I like to think they aren't still around(though obviously sentiments based upon people's skin color still rage strong, just look at our next president and the huge response of the public and how many times he's been asked about the relation between his skin color and his threat to safety).  I know there are many issues, and a bigger one is Gentrification itself and what it does to people, and how that's immensely disproportionate between people with different skin color.  I'm not blind to these things, I don't live in a fantasy world that 'it's all worked out'.    However, all these thoughts, feelings and examinations get brought to life when one is confronted directly with a comment about where they belong based upon how they look.